(Don’t) Put It In Writing

My brother recently went through a bad break-up, and the first thing I did when I heard about it was happily defriend his ex-girlfriend on Facebook. I recommended that he do the same. While there may be some people who remain friends with their exes both in real-life and in social media, my policy has always been more of the cut your losses and run. Rather than run the risk of jealousy or misplaced drama, I prefer to keep things as cordial as possible by keeping them as distant as possible. Of course, there’s another reason for my reluctance to remain friends with exes of any kind on Facebook, and that’s the possibility of social media disasters.

Talk to your child about how to appropriately use social media, and consider how you use it yourself! (Image Credit:http://www.kidonthebus.com/2010/08/your-child-on-facebook.html)

Now, a social media disaster can come in a lot of forms, but for those of us with fewer than 10,000 followers on Twitter and a meager 400 friends on Facebook, most social media disasters come from relationships gone sour. The one thing almost all social media disasters have in common is that somebody puts in writing something that they shouldn’t have been saying in the first place. Offensive or even mildly offensive comments on Facebook or Twitter, whether they are in private messages or available for anyone to read, can become a serious liability. Maybe you’re upset with your girlfriend and so you post a sexist comment on Facebook, which then gets around to not only your cousins and friends, but also to your coworkers and your classmates. The thing is, by putting comments in writing, even if they’re intended as jokes, you’re opening yourself up to problems. You may lose a friend or a job, start a family feud, or even get the police involved (depending on the level of the comment you’ve made). Part of social media is controlling your image, and so you need to be aware of the things you’re putting in writing. Just because you might say something to a friend doesn’t mean you should post it on your Facebook. I pretend that I now have potential future employers reading every post, which helps me weed out what I should and shouldn’t say.

Instead of posting something on Facebook, why not use the site to set up a meeting with some of your friends? Saying something in person is a lot less serious (or verifiable) than saying something in writing…just make sure that nobody’s wearing a wire at your table!

Attitude is Everything

On a phone interview for a job this afternoon, my interviewer noted, “Well, you have an impressive resume and a really bubbly attitude.” Bubbly attitude? Maybe if you met some of the people that I spend most of my time with they would disagree. I can be grumpy, pessimistic, and solitary a lot of the time, but I’ve learned that there are times to be bubbly and times to be grumpy, and a job interview is definitely one of the places where the former is more desirable.

People can tell if you're smiling, even over the phone! (Image Credit:http://stockshop.wordpress.com/)

As my interviewer’s remark points out, it’s important to have a solid resume or experiences, but it’s also important to have a good attitude that makes people want to take a chance on you. Someone with more qualifications and a less personable attitude may be less desirable than someone who has great personality and less qualifications. People gravitate towards good attitudes, and employers want people who have positive attitudes rather than negative. Just because on a phone interview I sound bubbly doesn’t mean that I necessarily feel that way when I make the call. I put on a happy face, though, in the interest of putting my best personality forward. The phrase “fake it ’til you make it” often comes to mind with attitude–you may not be feeling cheerful at first, but if you pretend long enough you forget why you were grumpy in the first place.

Attitude is important in situations other than job interviews, too. You can’t just drop the positive facade as soon as you get a job offer. When I was completing my student teaching experience, at one point my cooperating teacher became upset that I was doing my copying in the morning before classes rather than after school when I had more free time. Even though I was feeling defensive, instead of responding to my teacher’s confrontational attitude I stepped back, listened to her concerns, and agreed that I would start doing my copying at night. Being agreeable in most situations can help smooth over irritated feelings, and there’s always an opportunity to vent later. Of course, you can’t always let things slide, but you do need to prioritize. Figure out the things you’re willing to compromise on, so that when you have something that you are absolutely not willing to give up you can stand up for what you believe in without being dismissed.

A good attitude can also help you out when you need help. Recently, I got a poor grade on an assignment and wanted to improve. Of course, at first I was upset at the teacher and felt she had been unfair. I was ready to send back a confrontational e-mail explaining why I thought she was wrong (and maybe why she was a terrible professor, while I was at it). After taking a few hours to cool off, I reconsidered my course of action. What I really wanted out of the situation was to improve my grade, and that was more important to me than expressing my frustration and anger towards my professor. I could only achieve one of my goals, so I swallowed my pride and sent a very polite e-mail asking for the chance to revise my paper and receive a better grade. Thankfully, the professor agreed readily, but I’m sure if I had sent a nasty e-mail I would have kept my poor grade and destroyed my relationship with this professor.

Ultimately, I think that attitude can dictate results. If you want success, I recommend bringing your best attitude with you.

Social Media Mayhem

I joined social media a little bit later than most of my peers, around the time that MySpace was on its way out and Facebook was on its way in. Initially, I resisted. When I started college, however, it quickly became clear that Facebook was a necessity. I don’t use the term lightly, and my assertion is backed up by a recent Pew Survey that found Facebook users have more real-life friends than non-Facebook users. Shortly after I joined Facebook, it seemed like social media exploded. Blogs, Twitter accounts, Pinterest…the list goes on. And on. And on. Obviously it’s almost impossible to totally keep up with all the new trends. At a recent department speaker series on finding jobs after a graduate degree, one presenter said her best piece of advice was to make a LinkedIn account, a Twitter account, and get a significant professional online presence.

Facebook status update: I feel like somebody's WATCHING me. Weird, right? (Image Credit:http://owni.eu/2011/05/12/e-spying-state-sponsored-intrusion/)

 

I cringed. As much as I like using social media for business purposes (after all, I maintain this blog and a Twitter account, which is admittedly not very active as I’m still trying to figure out the appeal), I hate using it for social purposes. And perhaps my fears are becoming more relevant. A friend who was recently interviewing for a position was asked for his Facebook username and PASSWORD, so that his potential employer could log on to his account and check out what kinds of things he was posting, liking, and what kinds of things his friends were posting and liking. This isn’t an isolated incident, either. More and more employers are requesting this information as part of a standard interview process. While in the past social media users were told to keep accounts private, giving a potential employer free access to your account negates any privacy settings.

It’s enough to make anyone who might ever consider getting any kind of a job cringe. So what do you do? It’s no longer enough to tell people to set privacy settings to their maximum, and it may not be realistic to ask people to disconnect from social media entirely. My friend, luckily, got the job without a problem. While I may have started this post out with the intention of giving some solid advice for social media management, I’ve ended more uncertainly than I began. The only rule I now try to follow is the idea that nothing on my social media sites are private, not matter how strictly my privacy settings are set.

How do you manage your social media presence as monitoring becomes more invasive and pervasive?