Sunday Morning Shout Out

Image Source: http://www.happyclippings.com/2012/05/teacher-gift-youre-my-mm-poem-jar-plus-other-ideas.html

Many parents ask what they should get their children’s teacher at the end of the school year.  One year, my daughter’s teacher shared her own gift of kindness when she graciously accepted our homemade, laminated place mats. There have been the other homemade treats, with a side of egg shells, that were also well received.   A few years in a row, there was the gift of clove apples, after a Little House on the Prairie kick. With a nod to reading, my girls’ teacher appreciatively and pleasantly received their fragrant fruit.

My parents always played it safe and sent us in with plants for our teachers. It didn’t hurt that they had a side floral and plant business, outside their regular jobs.  After deciding a large bottle of alcohol was a tacky choice, albeit one some parents and teachers might pick on a bad day, I decided to do some online investigating.   The Great Schools staff at recently featured an article titled ‘If you give a teacher a cookie…‘ that discussed what teachers really appreciate. Some things that were mentioned included nixing the homemade goodies. While the article did not mention my girls’ egg shells, it did mention the fact that many teachers get inundated with baked goods and truthfully do not eat them all. It suggested if you go homemade and edible, to go for something with a longer shelf life, like jam or a sauce.

Similarly, it suggested plants, over flowers because of a longer lifespan.  One year my oldest gave her teacher a potted plant with some personalized art on it. That following fall, the teacher told me how well the flower did in her garden, all summer long.  Another possibility that was mentioned was a gift card. As you may or may not know, teachers spend a lot of their own money on classroom supplies. A gift card to a favorite bookshop, coffee place, restaurant, or store is a welcome treat and break for a weary teacher, whose extra energy and money go into their classroom. Other ideas include the group (I love this phrase) “love bomb” where the class goes in on a large gift for their teacher; classroom supplies-the most practical, if not least exciting gift; and last but not least the heartfelt, sincere card or picture of thanks. Teachers in this article were most touched by heartfelt appreciation and gratitude, that crayola colors and little hands so wonderfully do.  This has been my go-to item many times. In these tough economic times, but really in anytime, where such dedicated people work so hard with our children, and have received a lot of flak from certain segments in society, I think cards/pictures of appreciation are great! Remember great doesn’t have to be expensive or even bought.

The articles ‘Teacher gifts with the homemade touch‘ and ‘Last minute teacher gifts‘ at the Great Schools website offer up some other good ideas for fretting parents.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

Sunday Morning Shout Out

Unfortunately, there is no shortage of bad news in the news. The question is how to share it or not share it with our children. For me, it comes down to how do you want your children to hear about it. With school age kids, it seems only a question of when they will find out in school or through digital media.  As parents, it is better coming from us, as opposed to the kids on the bus who might not have the complete story or may embellish it with their imagination.

The website Childdevelopmentinfo.com, sponsored by the Child Development Institute’s “Positive Parenting” segment offers a list of  sage advice in an entry titled “How To Talk To Kids About Tragedies In The Media“. From keeping it minimal, yet factual for young school age children to giving them an outlet for all their varied feelings on a situation, this article gives specific tips for parents and adults negotiating these difficult times. Probably the most important tip is making sure they feel safe.  I wish there was not a need for such a list, but then again I am not Pollyanna living in Carebear land.

Sunday Morning Shout Out

Image Source: http://gratitudeplanet.com/2010/05/11/life-is-a-cosmic-science-experiment/

Whether you are a “free range”  parent or a “helicopter” parent, chances are you are a parent that praises your child.  Most of us seem to parent from the perspective parents should be seen and heard in our children’s lives, not just passive observers, no matter what type of “hover craft” we are. The better question seems to be what type of praise are you giving your child—how and when.

`There has been much talk about the effects of praise these days on children’s achievement, performance, and self esteem. A recent report that was discussed at National Public Radio affiliate KQED’s “Mindshift” blog titled ‘Giving Good Praise to Girls‘  shared the results of a seminal study on the topic.  Dr.Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, found that all too often we praise the end result of things and not the process itself. Contrary to what we think we are doing, such praise can actually be detrimental to our children. There are several reasons for this effect. First off, children (with girls showing particular sensitivity) may hear that they are only good at the things that are praised and completed, not the other things, which may be works in progress or even a complete struggle to them.

Dr. Dweck then discusses how, early on, girls tend to dismiss their math abilities, feeling that they simply do not have “it,” whereas boys tend to believe early on that they just do. Quick praise can actually exacerbate this effect, as girls who might not instantly pick up on math and are waiting for the end result praise, may get deterred by the process and struggle. They may only register the praise that is associated with the good grade, not the effort of learning.

Dr. Dweck’s studies argue that such feelings can go a long way on building or deterring ability. Dweck ‘s work found that when the process is praised over the end product, children overcome and challenge the notion that this is what they are good at and this is what they are not good at doing. Rather, they learn to value the challenge and struggle.  They learn to see that all knowledge is built over time, and not just an innate thing you are born with or without. She feels parents and educators can go along way in promoting the right type of praise that supports the process and progress in learning, as opposed to quick, automatic praise for the right answer or good grade.  It delivers the wrong message, particularly to girls in the so called “STEM” areas of science, technology, engineering, and math.

The right praise promotes a “stick to it ness” with challenging academics. In her research, Dr. Dweck found that women who were successful in the STEM areas saw math and science as an area of acquired skill, not something you had at birth. Dweck’s findings should make us as parents and educators challenge stereotypical assumptions and  lead us to examine what types of messages we are giving our children both in and out of the classroom. The right message can really go a long way in taking our children far…..

Sunday Morning Shout Out

This past week, www.Greatschools.org, featured an article by Jessica Kelmon that discussed Renaissance Academy in San Jose, California. Titled “The mystery of Renaissance Academy: What magic formula makes this school succeed where so many others fail?” the article might make you wonder ‘So what?’  By most counts, this academy would not seem like a shining star from the outset. It is located in a low-income, crime and gang saturated area, where the majority of students qualify for free or reduced lunches. Within this school, a quarter of the students are trying to learn English and many parents are working two to three jobs to try to provide for their families. Like many inner city areas, the challenges for students are numerous. Yet this school is outperforming its counterparts dramatically and has great success. In fact, it ranks in the top ten percent of schools in California that are serving a similar demographic population.

There are several factors that set this academy apart.  As Kelmon puts it, there is a three-part dance. Administrators, teachers, and students have distinct roles that have great contributed to making the academy the high performing place and highly desired school that it is.  Administrators and teachers have created an environment that is focused on collaboration and close communication with students and their parents. For example, administrators and teachers know every student’s name and strengths and weaknesses. They also know the students’ parents’ names.  One of the school ‘s rituals is having each teacher shake the hand of her students as they come into the classroom and greet them by name. Students are expected to politely and thoughtfully respond to class discussion. Administrators and teachers are expected to make themselves available to help any student before and after school. The school also has very close correspondence with parents. Between posting assignments on their website and personal e-mails to student’ homes to the school’s requirement of every parent volunteering 30 hours a school year, parents have a clear understanding of what work their children are doing and expected to complete.  Their children are expected to maintain meticulously kept notebooks to aide them in assignment completion and also aide their parents in helping them, with assignments. Homework completion is expected and when help is needed, students are expected to seek it from the ample resources at school and through parental interaction at home.

The school prides itself on creating an environment committed to and engaged in learning and success, through every player doing its part. With many flourishing students; test scores that have soared; and heavy parental involvement in an otherwise challenged neighborhood and context, the academy seems to be doing many things right….An impressive feat in these days of economic turmoil and change in education that has led some teachers, administrators and school districts such as Atlanta to try and take the dishonest route to academic improvement.

Sunday Morning Shout Out

Image Source: http://craigkern.com/educating-boys/

I am new to boys. Our 21 month-old son has been a crash-course in understanding the opposite gender in children. People will ask me if I find it different raising a little boy compared to  little girls, upon which they receive an emphatic,  yes, most definitely!  I have many funny anecdotes. On a serious note, I am very concerned about the “boy crisis” that continues to occur in this country.

From books like The Trouble With Boys, by Peg Tyre  and Richard Whitmire’s Why Boys Fail to the recent article that appeared in  “The Journal of Human Resources,” there is growing concern over the academic gap that boys are exhibiting. The article  “What’s Causing the Gender Gap,”  by Associate Editor Connie Matthiessen, at the Great Schools blog site, discusses how boys are consistently being outperformed by girls; are far more  likely than girls to repeat a grade or drop out of school; and are twice as likely to end up in  a juvenile detention facility.  Moreover, the article discusses how girls are now earning  60 percent of college degrees, with an even greater disparity among minority populations.

What is behind this phenomenon?  -Perhaps learning and behavioral differences. Matthiessen discusses how boys “less behaviorally compliant ways” affect their academic outcomes.  Think of the stereotypical squirmy boy, who may be very bright and curious, but unable to stay in his seat and do quiet work.  Mattiessen discusses how boys do not behave as “well” as girls in school at an early age, in terms of being able to: sit still; sit quietly; pay attention; demonstrate knowledge and participate appropriately in the classroom; and in general show a positive attitude towards learning.  The recent journal article  found that much of the grade that is assigned  during the early years is  based on behavior, as opposed to how you  would expect a boy  to perform  based on testing. The potential implications of such findings is that this early non cognitive lag in learning, persists and is never really overcome.  Different treatment and different experiences of the classroom produce different outcomes for boys as opposed to girls, and not favorable at that!

This is so troublesome to me on many fronts! On a personal level, I want to see my active little boy fully engaged in learning and not penalized by an environment that might not be conducive to his learning style. What troubles me as well as I wonder if this greater academic gap grows with tightened curriculum that limits and lessens time for recess and playtime, in pursuit of class time that favors a sedentary child with high test scores.  As schools  “race to the top” to meet core standards, we are losing learners!  It feels more like teaching to the test at times, as opposed to educating the whole child.  We need a learning environment that allows teachers the chance and time to engage boys and girls differently, based on their different learning styles. We need parents to be aware of this disparity and to help their children be engaged in learning, by doing their part at home to prepare them, and by advocating for the right learning environment and techniques for their child who might not meet the favored sedentary mold.  Too much is at stake for the status quo…..

Happy Easter!

Sunday Morning Shout Out

Image Source: http://www.parentandteenresources.com/blog

I have been warned that the meltdown phase of raising kids is nothing compared to the teenage years. Some might argue that is nothing compared to the grown up years and adult children who refuse to leave home. And perhaps others will argue that is a breeze compared to the years when some older parents seem to switch places with their children. Oh the emotions and feelings of it all! Oh this price of being human! Sigh….

Let’s come back to the fact that our feelings are our barometer. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on the mood and the moment, one person’s feelings can also affect the barometer and the mood of the house. While I currently live in a home of little people, the teenage years are creeping up fast.

Perhaps nothing says seismic mood shift like the teenage years. It seems like moods can change with teenagers like lake effect weather of Western New York. The National Public Radio website, NPR , had a great article  at their health blog addressing teens and challenging behavior. In the article titled “How Parents Can Learn To Tame A Testy Teenager“, Michigan family therapist Kim Abraham, who specializes in helping teens and families cope with anger, reminds parents of all the emotional, physical, and social changes going on for teens. She says that this can cause great anxiety in teens that often comes out as anger by them. She also says that anger is always preceded with another feeling like disappointment, hurt, embarrassment, or sadness. Abraham states that it is a parent’s job to help the teen identify the trigger feeling and help them work thru it, before the  anger sets in motion.

This teaches them how to cope with their feelings and problem solve. In other words, do not get upset with them because they are angry, but help them understand why they are angry. Listen to them, help them identify their feelings and needs, and then work for understanding.  And being the “messy things” feelings are at times,  Ms. Abraham reminds parents to use boundaries and consequences to keep behavior in check and promote what’s good for everyone. Remembering these things are good for a house’s “barometric pressure….”

Sunday Morning Shout Out

Image Source: http://bigeducationape.blogspot.com/2012/09/big-education-ape-2nd-banana-9-29-12.html

I am going to give you a hypothetical situation.  I have this “friend” whose five year-old daughter, who formerly loved school, suddenly dislikes it intensely, much to the chagrin  this little girl’s parent.  This “friend’s” mother has an art for not seeing through a phase and making a mountain out of a mole hill, landing this little girl as a five year-old drop-out because of her sudden dislike of school.

I am sure you have caught on that I know this mother and five year-old even better than indicated. –A little more background maybe in order.  This five year-old just came off of an excellent holiday break from school and just got over the flu that seems to have a tentacle grip on her whole classroom, cough! cough!  She has been pretty wiped out by it.  This little one said she did not want to work at school all day and that she just wanted to stay home and play with her baby brother.  This five year-old is what I believe you would call a kinesthetic learner, unlike her more cerebral older sister who excels at lecture style classes that more visual/auditory learners and the new core standards seem to favor

This five year-old’s learning and development agenda is far larger than her older sister’s kindergarten program was, with the same lovely and talented kindergarten teacher.  I am told these new core standards have both student and teacher in a frenzy to accomplish everything on the agenda and within the curriculum.

This mother that I know very much wants her child to return to her former loving relationship with school.  She has been a very excited and happy student up until now.  So this mother has taken some action and has done a little research. After a discussion with her teacher, she learned that there is not anything going on in the classroom that is an evident barrier (i.e., no conflicts with  peers or with understanding her coursework  in school).  A conversation between the mother and daughter simply found a child who was not finding her coursework fun anymore.  She was reminded that not everything can be fun and that school was her job, just like her parents had their own jobs to do.  Also she was reminded of the importance of school.  Following the words of a wise educator who encourages parents to empower their children when something is not liked, said five year-old was asked how she would make school more fun again for learning and will share her conversation with her teacher. Her “friend” has mixed feelings about the core standards and how they are affecting New York State students. She wants the best for her daughter and all students in this new environment, and will advocate on all their behalves for a learning environment that meets the needs of all different types of learners….

Sunday Morning Shout Out

Image Source: http://www.charmingbliss.com/portfolio/church-handouts-events/7517780?originalSize=true

How many things do the average adult and then the average parent “have to” say yes to today? It seems the typical person I know, whether a stay at home parent or a full-time working parent is split and pulled in more directions than humanly possible. I would like to share with you one recent article’s very good take on a powerful two lettered word and New Year’s resolutions to remedy this issue. The word is, “No!”

The folks at PBS Parents offer an article that looks at five “no oriented resolutions” in an article titled ‘Saying No: The Best New Year’s Resolution for Parents.’ The first NO-oriented resolution deals with over committing. For whatever reason you over commit, a parent really needs to ask herself if what she is doing is something that is best serving your family’s goals and belief system. If it is not, perhaps this is something that can be let go. For example, you might have a chance to sit on your school’s PTA. It demands a one hour time commitment, twice a month, not withstanding extra events. With a desire to lend your voice to your child’s school environment, this may measure high on your priority list. Whereas your commitment to an adult sports team, that pulls you out of the house for a view hours, every week might not rank high. —Fun but not high.

The next NO-oriented resolution lies with work. Don’t be a door mat at work! If you are scheduled to leave work at a certain time because you are committed to eat dinner together as a family or getting to your child’s soccer game, do not be deterred! Whereas you want to demonstrate an attitude of always helping to solve problems or issues that arise at work, says negations coach,  Jim Camp, author of “The Negotiation Tools That the Pros Don’t Want You To Know’,” you want to establish clear expectations and limits with your boss at the outset, and agreement on a reasonable time frame to complete job assignments, says Carolyn Semedo, founder of the Enterprising Moms. In addition, she advises to steer away from too many personal details about your out of office commitments, and sticking to them.  Honor these commitments and protect your family and work balance.

A third related resolution is saying NO to information overload. We are so wired today in our society.  Every text, e-mail, or phone call can see of the utmost importance, to the point where it really eats into our personal time with our families. My pet peeve is the phone that seems to scream during dinner time. It goes ignored!  The article reminds us that just as we have trained others we will respond promptly, we can also train them that we will reach them from home when we can. I might add, embrace silence. If you are always plugged in, unplug in your house at least part of the day. We can hear each other much better when the television, computer, and cell phone are put aside for some of the time, everyday.

Another NO resolution the article discusses is not losing your cool with your kids. Whereas every parent has their moment, they can also choose not to react when a bad moment arises.  Charlotte Reznick, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and author of the book “ The Power of Your Child’s Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success,” says parents need to calm themselves before they react to the problem and refuse to take bait, when your children are trying your patience. For example, she advises short, simple answers for reigning in a whining preschooler, as this is more on par with their undeveloped thinking skills.

Lastly, the article discusses saying no to parental guilt. When I was pregnant with my first child, someone once reminded that in an emergency situation, a mother needs to reach for her oxygen mask first so she can help her child in the situation. The same holds true with family life. We must take care of ourselves as parents, so we are good for our children. If playing on that before mentioned sports team leaves you fresh, healthy, and able to better parent your child, maybe it needs to rank high on your priority list. It is not a crime to put sometime into your own interests, just a juggling act! We must remember that we are our children’s first teacher and whether we realize it or not, we are modeling for them everything we would like them to be. I for one, would like my child to be able to say NO as parent and a healthy adult….

Sandy Hook Tragedy (and the Aftermath)

We here at Tutor Doctor WNY extend our deepest sympathies and our prayers to the families who have been impacted by the Sandy Hook school shooting.

In the midst of our own adult grief, disbelief, and fear, it is important to deal with the feelings our children may be having. Dr. Janet Taylor discusses how parents can talk to their children about the tragedy, as many might have concerns about returning to school themselves.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/video/newtown-school-shooting-talking-kids-tragedy-17998137

Please feel free to share in the comments strategies you’ve used when talking to your children about this tragedy, and how successful they’ve been.

And please, take a moment tonight to hug your kids extra hard.

Sunday Morning Shout Out

 “…..If struggle indicates weakness—a lack of intelligence—it makes you feel bad, and so you’re less likely to put up with it. But if struggles indicates strength-an ability to face down the challenges that inevitably occur when you are trying to learn something—you’re more willing to accept it.”    

Jin Li, Professor of Education and Human Development, Brown University

A recent study that was featured at the National Public Radio (NPR) website titled “Struggle for Smarts? How Eastern and Western Cultures Tackle Learning” looked at research that examined learning differences between Eastern and Western students. The article first discusses Dr. Stigler’s,Professor of Psychology UCLA, research and reflections on the subject.  He recalls his early days as a graduate student observing Japanese students. He remembers watching a Japanese teacher call a boy up to the board to draw a three dimensional object. His first thoughts were why would he call the boy who was struggling up to the board to do his work?  In our culture, he thought, it

Yang Liu’s Infographic Portrait of the Individual in Western and Eastern Cultures. Image Source: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2009/10/29/east-vs-west-yang-liu-infographics/

is usually the student who is excelling. The boy struggled and struggled at first. The teacher would periodically ask the class, “Class, does he have it right?”  No!,  ” they would answer. This continued. Stigler grew more and more concerned for the young boy. He watched the visibly anxious young boy struggle and plod his way through the problem. After sometime, the boy was able to draw the three dimensional figure. Proudly smiling, the boy did it and received the enthusiastic applause of his class.

In another study, Stigler and his colleagues gave American first graders an impossibly difficult math problem. After 30 minutes, the students stopped working, saying they could not do the work because it was beyond them. Their Japanese counterparts were given the same problem. After one hour, the researchers had to tell the students they had to stop because it was an impossible math problem.  The students had to be let in on the fact this was a research project and that they would not be able to complete it.  He had learned in his research that Asian educators often purposely make their students work a little beyond them so they get use to the challenge and working through it. Challenge and it’s role in developing ‘grit’ is an important component in a students educational and career success as proposed by educational writer Paul Tough.

Dr.Jin Li, who was quoted above, also looks at cultural learning differences in her work. She looks at two different conversations. In one, there is an eight year-old American boy and his mother. The mother is praising the boy’s love of reading. A great student, she tells him that smart people like to read books and they become smart adults who like to read books. In what she is saying, she indicates to the boy that his intelligence is the reason he has succeeded in school. This compares to the Taiwanese mother and her young son’s exchange. With this, the mother is praising her nine-year old son for winning a piano competition. But she connects his strong piano performance to his consistent practicing and the energy he put into it, even when it was very difficult and challenging.

Not saying one way is better than the other or is a preferable, both professors suggest there maybe something to take away from each other’s approach to and culture of learning. A strength of Eastern learning styles is that it places emphasis on the challenge and struggle, and working through it.  A strength of Western learning style is that it places emphasis on individual contribution, whether it be intelligence or creativity, when it comes to learning and problem solving. When it comes to math and science, American educators and the American public have voiced concerned about Americans lagging behind Asian countries. When it comes to learning, Stigler discusses how many Asian educators worry about their students being robotic and unimaginative.  By being aware of these differences, perhaps educators and parents alike can assign more value to both types of learning styles and appreciate their merits.

For other graphic representations of the differences between Western and Eastern social, psychological and cultural patterns the Infographic Portraits by Yang Liu provide an interesting perspective. Her ingenious East Meets West infographic series, provides perspectives on everything from differences in self-perception to evolution of transportation. The series originally done in Germany by Ms. Liu does not seem to be in print in English yet but there are sites/blogs on the internet (B six 12, Neversocial) that have printed the pictures that generally need no explanation