In the last three months I have lost my Mom and Step-Dad. The loss brings about a whirlwind of emotions and memories. Both were in their late 70’s, led decent lives and did what they could for their children and yet they maintained a certain distance from us as they did their ‘own thing’. Today I don’t see such a separation as my world revolves around my daughter and I see this with many other families that I have contact with. A study published in 2003 by the Pew Research Center found that “The amount of time parents spend with their children continues to go up. Fathers have nearly tripled their time with children since 1965. Mothers’ time with children has also increased, and today’s mothers spend more time with their children than mothers did in the 1960s.”
I might summarize it as a ‘I define myself’ versus what seems to be happening today where I feel as if ‘I’m defined by my children’. My current pondering is what is the correct balance here or is it not about balance but instead what amount of connectedness is ideal?